you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
