Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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