you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
