We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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