They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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