Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
