cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
