Sry I called you an 8
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
