I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
