Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
