Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
