I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
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We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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