Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
