I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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