dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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