508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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