Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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