my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
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She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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