I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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