I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
