Operation Purity has been aborted
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
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I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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