i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
