we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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