I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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