Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
