You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
