i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
