One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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