there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
