found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
