Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
