Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
