We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize