my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
