I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
it's like heaven, but drunker
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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