Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just had sex on a roof
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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