apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
