At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
