So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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