I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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