I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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