i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
