So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
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Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
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How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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