I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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