just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
