its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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