Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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