I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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