We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
