I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
