Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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