Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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