Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
