Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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