Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
