I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
