Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
