I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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