Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize