so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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