you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
