Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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