this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
