Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
