I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
