Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
