I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
