I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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