How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
