dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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