I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
