On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
