Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
There's always time for handjobs
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
