$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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