i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
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I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize