The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
