peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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