a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Everything about him screamed your future.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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