Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
