put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
