Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
