I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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