I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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