false alarm. still invincible.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize